wanna be with you tonight, and everyday after [07 Feb 2002|04:18am] [ mood | upset ] [ music | sigur ros - viorar vel til loftarasa ] wanee called me tonight...it made me really happy because I miss her alot but she told me a story that made me cry and then when I got off the phone with her I wanted to break alot of shit because I get so pissed that my dad has to be sick he was too tired to fucking drive the other day so he sat in the van in his wheelchair and I guess he went to get into the backseat and he fell and had to ride laying on the floor the rest of the ride because wanee couldn't help him up becuase he was too tired to even move his legs fuck post comment

forgetting my hate...because you don't exist [06 Feb 2002|03:38pm] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | sigur ros - Njosnavelin ] went to a gay ass fucking show last night in anaheim a battle of the bands type thing I really hated everyone there...all the girls had belly shirts and shit on but this one band cowch I actually liked...the singer looked like he was going to cry the whole time I really liked them because the singer played violin and he actually had a really really awesome voice I hated the ride there because we had to squish like 5 people in mindy's truck then I get back to the dorm at like 1 and there is a message from my sister's boyfriend in florida that she had gotten arrested last night and he didn't know whether to tell my parents or not, HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA I can only imagine what she got arrested for cause when she first moved there she got brought to the hospital by the police becuaes she was found passed out on a bench in orlando and had alcohol poisoning and WHY did a culture club song just start playing?? ummmmm don't get me wrong, I like culture club...but NOT on my sigur ros playlist...nothing can interrupt sigur ros I'm so pissed though because sigur ros came to california like 3 months ago...ummm so yeah they probably won't be back in the US for a long long time...fuck fuck fuck I NEEEED to see them post comment

[02 Feb 2002|05:56am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | none ] yeah so tonight we went to a club I was really excited to go because that's what I've been wanting to do since I got here the big main room was 80's music, and one side room of industrial and another side room of techno I stayed in the 80's room most of the night it was alot of fun it took me a little while to find a groove because I've only been dancing one other time and I was drunk that time and only danced for a short amount of time but I found my groove when a prince song came on they played like my entire 80's playlist, it was soooooo awesome I had aloooooot of fun dancing I'm really glad I went hah everyone there was like all dressed up and ish and I was in jeans and a plain shirt hah oh well this really hot guy started dancing all sexual with me and like licking my neck and stuff...haha that was alot of fun I thought and this really creepy guy kept trying to dance with me from behind so the girl I was there with had to keep lke grabbing me and dancing with me somewhere else...he was so weird hah and when we were up on stage dancing there were two dragqueens dancing next to us and I wanted to dance with them so I was kind of working my way over and one of them started like grinding with me from behind so I danced with them for a minute..hah it was awesome I've always LOVED dancing but I would only like dance in my house or whatever and now after doing this I just love it that much more and I reallllly can't wait to go to more clubs....soooo much fun for me haha awww but I really really wanted ryan franchetti there :( post comment

[01 Feb 2002|07:46pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | NIN - hurt ] i hurt myself today to see if i still feel i focus on the pain the only thing that's real the needle tears a hole the old familiar sting try to kill it all away but i remember everything what have i become? my sweetest friend everyone i know goes away in the end you could have it all my empire of dirt i will let you down i will make you hurt i wear this crown of shit upon my liar's chair full of broken thoughts i cannot repair beneath the stains of time the feelings disappear you are someone else i am still right here what have i become? my sweetest friend everyone i know goes away in the end and you could have it all my empire of dirt i will let you down i will make you hurt if i could start again a million miles away i would keep myself i would find a way post comment

useless mothafucka [01 Feb 2002|03:04am] [ mood | gooooood ] [ music | nothing ] really good night tonight I hung out with mike and we went to LA it was fun and he bought me a drink in this bar that doesn't card anyone I asked greg to download trainspotting and he and andrew are watching it but i can't right now, I'm kind of feeling hyper so I can't concentrate but i keep glancing up and think I see the guy I love from hackers and I guess my "boyfriend" keith called tonight and sounded all "pissed" that I was hanging out with mike...haha that's sooooo funny that he pretended that...I need to put him in his place and andrew still needs to show me the cat impression I'm fucking excited for march 5th because i'm going to see wu tang in hollywood at the house of blues...YES haha and hanging out with the norman reedus look alike's friend tomorrow from the show, weird, I guess they aren't boyfriends afterall post comment

[30 Jan 2002|06:24pm] [ mood | hyper ] [ music | andrew wk - party hard ] had a dream last night about norman reedus holy fuck there was a norman reedus look alike at the starting line but he had a boyfriend going shopping today I need new lip rings and hair dye hanging out with mike tomorrow it will be fun because he has rosy cheeks awww greg's roommates are fucking CRAZY haha too funny options for occupation : 1. stripper 2. porn star 3. private wrestler which should it be?? 3 comments|post comment

you're frustrated by the cracks in the pavement [29 Jan 2002|12:55pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | none ] I can't believe liz is gone and I'm just here with greg...so weird and what the FUCK how come I bleach my hair over and over and it does NOT get fucking blonde god it's like fucking neon I think I will cut it alot today I will look like a boy whatever oh shit I left the orajel in the living room liz better not have taken it, I'll kill her we were getting FUCKED off of that last night..wooo wow the starting line sucks the I liked a static lullaby the screamer was the guy I wanted to hit on all night but I've heard he has herpes and I've heard he's an asshole but sooooooo fucking beautiful, holy shit and oh yes there is another full bag of reeses bites I will eat I love to steal food from the roommates post comment

and we had to make a leg rule [26 Jan 2002|08:05am] [ music | wu-tang - gravel pit ] last night tommy bullets and his friends were dressed up as high school wrestlers and jumping on people in downtown san diego and wrestling with them oh lord and this old old weird chinese man was trying to make out with me and liz gross and this boy that looked EXACTLY like my cousin josh chase and was just as tiny as him (thus making him look pre pubescent) told us he was married and varified his age of 20 with ID playing cards tonight but tommy bullets was supposed to bring me to the zoo two days in a row now but it keeps not happening he says tomorrow morning before we go meet liz...but I'm doubting that I NEED to go to the zoo I will seriusly turn five years old there post comment

[24 Jan 2002|10:13pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | none ] haha i'm at tommy bullets house oh do I love this boy he's on the phone with his girlfriend type thing...it's cute liz is at her aunts house right now greg had to drive us all the way to san diego cause i thought emo mike knew he was taking us but I guess he didn't so he had left when we got to his apartment and he ran out of gas in long beach on the way home...oops ummm tomorrow night we are going to go downtown in wrestling suits and wrestle the people coming out of the dance clubs...oh god that will be fun 3 comments|post comment

I will steal him from the german girl [23 Jan 2002|01:38pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | something the asian/black man is listening to ] I miss having my lip pierced alot so I got it done twice but the woman put in HUGE rings so it looks dumb as of right now but I will fix it and I'm hanging out with mindy tonight liz and greg are coming too I just don't want liz to be mean because liz doesnt' like people I like but I think mindy seems awesome and she's going to introduce me to all her friends sometime and she's going to try and hook me up with her friend ryan or something he seemed really fun from the pictures greg's roommate is crazy!!!!! hahah he's singing along to dre and like looking in our room as he does it post comment

grams makes the best pickles [18 Jan 2002|12:59am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | none ] I'm at liz's and we leave for california tomorrow morning I don't want to sleep cause we have to get up way too early for that ish but I didn't sleep last night my head hurts alot but i have a bottle of tylenol for the bus ride hopefully when i get to california my sleeping patterns will be normal hmm I really dont know what to say about leaving yes I will miss alot of people and no I didn't get alot of the goodbyes I wanted but whatever I guess I'm not really feeling alot right now which is weird cause EVERYTHING has been making me cry alot lately my gram told me to get on the price is right and make a sign for her I will try I love my gram cause she plays along when I say she has a drinking problem and gets drunk at all our family events ooh I really will miss family events my mom hugged and kissed me alot and said 'i love you' alot when i left it was really weird I didn't really register that it is the last time I'll see her in a long time that hasn't sunk in at all that I won't see people from here for a long time 2 comments|post comment

[17 Jan 2002|08:39am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | deltron 3030 - things you can do ] I didn't go to bed at all again last night I think I might need to stop doing that cause my body keeps fucking up I feel weird and I've been packing all night it's hard I don't know what to bring at all well I don't know what to leave either I try to put stuff in my suitcase...it's too much so I have to sort through again and discard stuff I just really know I won't bring the right stuff and so I won't end up having enough money I have 10 dollars in mcdonalds dollars though to use...yes I need to go eat right now...I'm starving post comment

we cracked your head in half, it wasn't funny...but we laughed [17 Jan 2002|01:00am] [ mood | calm and collected ] [ music | twiztid - diemuthafuckadie ] peter came over tonight it was fun we just watched tv like we always used to do and I got a senior picture from him...which came out awesome so yes, good good and my mom is such a weirdo...she was telling peter to keep in touch with her even when I'm gone and ish she really really loves that boy I was pissed though that katie never called...she was supposed to call when she got out of work and then come stay the night with me cause I haven't seen her in FOREVER cause she's fucking up billy's ass all the time and we've been best friends since like 6th grade and she knows that I'm leaving friday and that tonight was the last chance she had to see me ugh that makes me so so so so so mad and upset she needs to fuck billy up the ass with a dildo and get to arizona and live her LIFELONG dream that so so so was coming true until he fucked it up I hate hate hate hate hate him so much I seriously bet she didn't come because of him I fell asleep at like midnight and woke up at 12:30 and my sleeve was wet....I think I drooled hmmm post comment

[15 Jan 2002|01:41am] [ mood | tres fatigue ] [ music | nothing actually ] I hung out with sweatshirt today it was really awesome and made me happy we hugged alot before he had to leave, yay! we went to see how high I was very very dissapointed in that it upset me cause I was SO SO looking forward to it but oh well cause methodman and redman and cypress hill were still awesome in it oh yeah and tracy morgan duh oohh yes and I'm hanging out with hilary and kristi tomorrow night fun fun when is peter going to hang out with me????????????? post comment

maasha scared the shit out of me this morning [14 Jan 2002|03:24am] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | ja rule and ashanti - always on time ] so YES scotty called again tonight we got to talk for quite awhile and it was really good I haven't laughed like that in a long time and it made me really really sad cause he was talking about all this stuff that happens there that is SO SO funny but no one there laughs at all at stuff he knows like will and I would laugh really hard at if we were there...and that makes him sad awwww...haha but I like to hear that he misses me too and it also made me really happy/sad that we were like making up all kinds of little scenarios of things happening and laughing really really hard about stuff that nearly NO ONE else would laugh about and he was like "oh man I haven't talked like this in SO long" and it made him happy...so yay!! oohhhhh AND I was like trying to tell him about sigur ros caues I knew he'd like them...but he already knew them...so that made me so so happy! haha and he told me a story about marching....there is this one guy that can NOT march at all and always is messing up so the leader guy like gets in his face and is SCREAMING at him about it and HAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH he calls him "LUKEMIA LEGS" oh god and scotty can NOT hold in his laughter so he ends up having to do many many push ups oh scotty you can NOT be in such serious surroundings and I saw the limp bizkit video for faith and it made me really sad cause I miss that whole period of my life it made me want to put on my khakis (which I can't find) that were like all ripped and that I literally wore EVERYDAY and a hoodie and put my hair in little bun type things all over and watch my family values tour 98 video and dance to it ahhhh those were my happiest moments BUT I get pissed that there is no incubus footage on it ooohh and finally talked to will tonight I'm so glad cause I need to see him before I leave and I'm pissed we didn't have our slumber party my head has been hurting alot lately and I'm still having that weird thing happen to it too I'm kind of worried but I need to eat before I pass out 1 comment|post comment

I walked around my good intentions....and found that there were none [13 Jan 2002|01:42pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | sigur ros - nyja lagid ] benny just came over that made me happy haha but I just woke up so he got to see my night time pigtails that's always fun j-wey says he'll come see me this week he fucking better I need to call travis too cause we've been friends since kindegarten and he's not a sweet boy usually...like he never talks about his emotions and stuff like that or show them at all but he wrote the sweetest thing on his senior picture for me that could make me cry blah blah but what is really on my mind right now is sigur ros I think they're fucking amazing and the video for viorar vel til loftarasa is SO SO SO SO SO SO OS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO good I can't even describe how it makes me feel but I swear jesus doesn't want me to have it cause I've been trying for weeks to download it and something keeps messing up ok I need to get a cd of them I'm going to make a mix cd right now with them on it....it's good bus music haha oh yeah I was going through all my tapes to see what was on them...they are tapes from like middle school and I found this one with like all this hardcore on it and I was like ummmmm nope I do NOT remember ever listening to this...and then I figured out it was the tape liz left in my car then I found my real tapes from middle school with like the roots, blackstreet, ginuwine,tone toni tony, dino, etc and I was like this is more like it post comment

[13 Jan 2002|12:04pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | ben harper - opression ] ok good thing about last night... I got to talk to scotty that made me so so so happy but then it made me sad cause I will ummmm never see him again cause when he comes home for 2 weeks before going to germany I won't be here god damn it and then he called but I wasn't here!!!!! ugh that blows he'd better call back before friday hmmm about friday... I talked to my mom about getting to the bus station she kind of flipped out and started yelling about how she had to work and how dad can't bring me to portland I was like well ummm you've known for a LONG time what day I was leaving...I figured at least one of you would want to see me off so whatever I guess I'll have to either have liz pick me up in the morning on the way or stay with her the night before but she gets really fucking weird to me about that shit so who knows obviously we'll have to fucking work something out post comment

I wasn't even tired [13 Jan 2002|03:12am] [ mood | gross ] [ music | fu schnickens - what's up doc ] tonight was bad me and rob hutchins were supposed to go to bangor we went to eaton mountain instead to go tubing with some of his friends I got really pissed early in the evening and so I didn't say anything for the rest of the night I never ever ever thought I could act like that to rob hutchins it made me sad but I was too mad to care I didn't even want to hug him when he dropped me off but he hugged me so I kind of did I hated his friends they were really dumb and young acting no offense rob haha except ummm the boy I didn't know whitney? and rusty were being funny but like the second I closed the door behind me when he dropped me off I cried alot cause this is the last time I'm going to see him and I hated the way it was ugh haha and then I could FINALLY have a ride to go see zach tomorrow but he's fucking leaving early in the morning to go back to thomas haha we've been trying forever to hang out and zach can never drive cause he's a drunk post comment

whatever helps you swallow truth all the more easily [12 Jan 2002|11:20am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | incubus - just a phase ] oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god I just watched the diary of incubus and it made me cry alot picture this if you will....brandon in a shirt with baseball sleeves, the oldest pair of pants ever...and a little zip up hoodie with a hat haha I nearly urinated in my pants I was freaking out and YES I got it on tape so duh I will be watching it over and over.....and over AHHHHHHHHHHHH and jose looking GOOOOOOOOOOOD haha awwwww and I LOVED that kilmore looked in the camera and was like "look at me I'm tired" as his lazy eye was going crazy grrrr how come jason boyd is never online? that hurts the plan!!!!!!! 1 comment|post comment

I can't wait to get my mix cd's from tommy bullets [12 Jan 2002|06:55am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | dilated peoples - worst comes to worst ] normally I go to sleep at ummm about 7 in the morning but this morning I went to sleep at 1 then I woke up at 5 and couldn't sleep again it kind of sucks I will have to take a nap before bangor avec rob tonight oooh cause I am EXCITED for that and I hopefully will see lynzie there if our plan works in those few hours I slept I had an exceptionally strange dream first...me and peter have lots of sex...but...we don't know how so everytime we go to we have to stop and get on the internet and talk to our friends about how to even though we do it over and over we just can't figure it out but there are no actual sex scenes, I just know it happens and one time while we are going on the internet to try and figure out how...who comes and sits next to us? yes jeremy ladd does and what is he carrying in his hand? a little notebook that is all decorated "pretty" on the outside...he has it open and on the page it's open to my number is on it written in purple sparkly puffy paints haha and for some reason he really really wants me to give him chuck's screenname and he's asking me about what's going on in the other room which is amamda thomas and this really gross older looking guy sitting on plastic covered furniture and the sprinkler in the ceiling is on and spraying all over them...but instead of water coming out it's orange soda....this is to punish her for having sex with that gross man then as we are leaving this place I see ryan coffin and give him a hug? he spins me around for literally like 5 minutes...it's weird but as he's doing that I think he turned into someone else and he was wearing a long leather trenchcoat...yes real leather as well weird and at some point I was hanging out with everyone I liked from usm in hannah's room I think I woke up laughing last night I talked to alot of people about alot of things I really needed to talk about...they were killing me even though I feel like a tard now I definately feel alot better I'm so mad that I started fighting with my mom last night because I was supposed to call justin gilbert to verify him picking me up to go stay at nick pressey's in bangor to see benny fagan...but since me and mother fought I forgot to do that...I wanted to see benny too. damn post comment

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